Meghan has revealed just how much of an impact the constant criticism had on her mental health, saying there was a “breaking point” as the pressure mounted in her new role as a royal.
Speaking to Oprah during her and Harry’s tell-all interview, Meghan revealed she reached a point where she “didn’t want to be alive anymore” and was refused help from the royal family.
“It was all happening just because I was breathing. I was ashamed to admit it at the time, and admit it to Harry because of how much loss he’s suffered, but I knew that I didn’t want to be alive anymore,” she said.
“That was a very real, clear, constant thought. He just cradled me. I went to the institution and said I needed help, and I was told it wouldn’t be good for the institution.
“I went to human resources and said ‘I need help’. In my old job there was a union that would protect me. They said ‘My heart goes out to you, but you’re not a paid employee of the institution’.”
Meghan confirms she was having suicidal thoughts, and that one person who helped was one of Princess Diana’s friends.
She said she repeatedly asked for treatment or to go to a hospital for mental health, but he requests were denied.
There was also no way for Meghan to take herself for treatment, saying when she entered the royal family “my passport, my keys – all that stuff gets turned over”.
She described feeling like a captive.
“It takes so much courage to admit that you need help. It took so much courage to voice that,” Meghan said.
“I didn’t want to put more weight on my husband’s shoulders. He’s already carrying the weight of the world.”
Meghan described an event she and Harry attended at London’s Royal Albert Hall when she was struggling with suicidal thoughts and was forced to put on a brave face for the cameras.
She said Harry thought she wasn’t well enough to be at the event but Meghan said she had to attend, confessing she wasn’t sure what she’d do if she was left alone.
At the start of the interview, Meghan told Oprah that she was “naive” when she made the decision to become a member of the royal family.
“I went into it naively, because I didn’t grow up watching the royal family,” Meghan said.
“I didn’t do any research. I’d never looked up my husband online – everything I needed to know, he was telling me.
“I didn’t fully understand what the job was – what was needed of me. There was no way to understand what the day to day was.
“The perception and the reality were two separate things.”